When we started this process seven years ago, our adoption agency provided us with information to join a listserv for people who had started the process at the same time. It seemed like a good, fun idea to connect with others in the same boat.
When I got the first few listserv messages, I knew I was in the wrong place. I do not say this to detract from the others who were posting messages, but there was way too much intensity and anxiety for me to want to participate. I also think I was probably one of the few males on the listserv.
What I found was an endless stream of notes about the agonizing wait for many people. I remember one of the first notes I read referenced a woman pulling her hair out and saying she could not wait another day. This was seven years ago, so I have wondered over the years how she is coping (or if she stuck with the process). In addition to personal expressions of frustration, there were also rampant rumors about changes to adoption policy and what the Chinese government might do. Much of the information was false.
We have remained on the fringes of this intense community and I think it has probably served us well. We recognized that we had no control over the speed or outcome, so it was better to keep an arm's length. This is not to say that it has not been frustrating for us too; there have been times when we thought this would never happen. We now find ourselves re-joining the listserv world as we prepare to travel to China to meet our girls.
I am hoping that we will be able to connect with people in a positive way, even though I am sure we are all carrying plenty of anxiety that will be alleviated when we meet our kids (and be replaced, I'm sure).
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